JoGLE 7: Chester to Hereford

Chester - Whittington - Welshpool - Churchstoke - Wigmore - Hereford

Strava part 1 and part 2.

There are three certainties in a man's life: death, prostate exams and horse play. Us "lads" have got to the point where we are starting to mess around to take our minds off "That pain between our legs".

It starts our very innocently with funny poses in pictures:

To chucking bananas into each other's panniers:

Moving on to giggling like school girls at a pub called Cock Hotel and finally getting the attention of an entire field of cows:

We had to pass over the Welsh boarder about 10 times today. Only one selfie thought:

The observant of you will have noticed that Wales is spelt Gymru here rather than the usual Cymru. This is a soft mutation to make the language easier to say. In English we would change the preceeding word, so would say an English man but a Welsh man. In Welsh they change the first letter second word instead. 

As you can see from our planned elevation we had two big climbs after lunch. 

We were all fully prepared for what was about to come. We had simply accepted that we'd be seeing lunch twice. The pain was only going to be transitory we kept telling ourselves. So imagine the disbelief, the letdown, nay the utter frustration when we came to the road and saw it closed. We had to miss out the first climb! You will be glad to know we conquered the second one in lung busting fashion and had some stunning English country valley views:

We had another puncture from "Compact" Conway. Look, me being useful:

Some more (very hard to take) bike selfies:

This evening we are in Hereford, home to the SAS. On our best behaviour, no more tom foolery!

I have to apologise for any spelling/grammar mistakes I've made over the past couple of days. I've been writing these sometimes past 1am after some beers. And entirely on my phone.

To Bridgewater tomorrow via a town called Mark. I'm so excited I don't think I'm going to be able to sleep. 

JoGLE 6: Lancaster To Chester

Lancaster - Preston - Chorley - Adlington - Warrington - Runcorn - Chester

80 miles.

Strava part 1 and part 2.

There are parts of every great endeavour that will be boring and difficult. When you question why you are doing it. Waking in the morning wanting to hit the snooze button. No longer that adrenalin you had at the beginning firing you along.

In our case it is hearing that alarm go and feeling like your legs are still solid with lactic. Sitting on the saddle and everything still feeling tender. Placing your hands on the handle bars with sore red palms. Knowing you have a massive slog until the next comfy bed.

Here is a motivational video to get you fired up:

Luckily today wasn't like that at all. Only 78 miles planned. Good weather. Very little climbing.

What made today difficult was the "mehh" of the landscape. We had to finally ride through civilization and quite frankly civilization has crap views. I took so few photos that I had to ask around for some. So special thanks to:

James:

 Sarah:

Chris:

The highlight of the day was Liam's family putting on a splendid spread for us for lunch. They even put out bunting for our arrival. (I expect nothing less when I do the prudential ride London race in a fortnight):

We also went to what I can only describe as a serious contender to Garsons Farm as the best garden center in the world. Once you see the toilets at Barton Grange Garden Centre you might well agree:

Last but not least some video of us cycling yesterday:

JoGLE 5: Gretna Green to Lancaster

Gretna Green - (detour to Longtown for new wheel - Gretna Green ) - Carlisle - Dalston - Penrith - Shap - Kendal - Lancaster

Strava* part 1,  part 2 and part 3.

ENGLAND!

That selfie was about 500m from our B&B but was taken at 11 09 am. We had a very slow start. The wall of Greg's back tyre gave way at the end of day 4 so this morning it was James and Mark to the rescue. We set out at the crack of dawn, crossed lakes, scaled mountains and sustained frostbite to cover the 3 miles to the local bike shop. 

Bringing the new tyre back proved a little difficult for James:

Once Greg had put the new tyre on top of the old inner tube so having to put the new tyre on twice we set of to Carlisle. Beautiful English countryside is mostly what we saw. Saw without pictures:

• Combine harvesters
• Sheep dog being ridden on the back of a quad bike
• Massive radio antenna
• The McVities factory (one can smell it all across Carlisle)

We lunched at a supermarket called Booths (in its cafe) in Penrith. It is literally the Waitrose of the North West. Next time any of my southern friends venture tup North try one. I've been told that the Kirkby Lonsdale Booths is especially good. 

We stopped in Kendal BUT DIDN'T HAVE TIME TO FIND KENDAL MINT CAKE! Not sure what to do with my unhappiness. Here is a funny cat video we have been keeping ourselves amused with instead:

Another of our memes is selfies. Whether it is a long arm selfie (someone else takes the picture but makes it look like you did) to the belfie (the bike selfie). Here are some belfies, long arm selfie coming tomorrow:

Today we are having a serious Small Talk in the Big Ring with Greg Cooper. 

Greg is the one who organised the charity part of this ride. As I mentioned yesterday we are raising money for Leukaemia and Lymphoma Research. 

I spoke to Greg over dinner about his friend who died last year from Acute Lymphoblastic Leukaemia (ALL). He was only 27. He was a brilliant maths teacher in South London. I don't feel I can give the story justice yet so I will do a full story in a few days time. 

Again our sponsorship page is: https://www.justgiving.com/JoG-LE-14/

Coming tomorrow: Lancaster To Chester, long arm selfie,  helmet hair pictures, funny STinBR with Greg and inspirational videos. 

* Strava is the app I use to track my cycling. So click through if you want to see what we actually cycled,  speeds,  elevations etc. 

JoGLE 4: Balloch to Gretna Green

Balloch - Dunbarton - Clydebank - Glasgow - Hamilton - Abington - Lockerbie - Gretna Green

We started the morning following the route 7 cycle way. This took us through some pretty run of the mill suburbs, intimidating council estates and bleak industrial estates. One long stretch had strange black towers every couple of hundred meters:

Very spooky. I thought they might be police watch towers or crack dens but just as I took the picture I realised it's a disused railway junction box and that we were cycling along the old railway line. I like it when they do that.

As you can imagine passing through Glasgow with the British Empire Games on proved a little difficult. What I thought very interesting was that you could see lots of shiny new buildings, evidence of plenty of public investment but heaps of emty billboards. Perhaps the private sector has a bit of catching up to do.

The highlight of the day was bumping into our pals from the Jersey, Guernsey and Isle of Man cycling teams at some traffic lights and just having to have a bit of a chat. 

After Glasgow we headed down the A74, which, in response to a reader's question (my dad), had no traffic on it at all, miles without any cars. They have built an actual motorway next to it and for large parts of it turned one side of the old duel carriageway into a cycle path. Like being in a zombie apocalypse. Though what we saw one couple do out the back of their car on the cycle path was definitely not zombie-like. 

As we sit here in Gretna Green, a stone throw away from the boarder, about to go from Haggis and battered Mars bars to Cumberland sausages and Kendal mint cake, from wee bony lass to lasso, I must give my views on Scotland:

There are a lot of B&Bs. A lot of it looks like Dartmoor. Pleasantly surprised by Inverness and Glasgow. 

Small Talk in the Big Ring

Today we are discussing disc brakes, joking about jerseys and debating dérailleurs with ... Liam "Compact" Conway.

Liam went to Uni with Greg, who knows Chris through Rolls-Royce, who then knows James through Rolls-Royce, who went to Uni with me. Crystal clear? So bessie mates now.

In my most "Our Graham from Blind Date" way: Liam studied Physiotherapy at uni but is about to join the RAF as a fire fighter. He was born in Preston but lives in Adlington. He's a dab hand in the kitchen,  got straight A's at A-Levels and knows how to give a lady a good time. 

We have been discussing cultural differences between the South and tup North. All very instructive for me.

Top Trums: youngest and shortest but most aryan.

Charity

I hadn't mentioned but some of the team are raising money for charity. More on it tomorrow. But if you are enjoying my blog and know how dificult riting and speling is four me then consider donating at our Just Giving page: https://www.justgiving.com/JoG-LE-14/

Strava part 1 and part 2 

JoGLE 3 : Fort William to Balloch

Fort William - > Glencoe - > Rannoch Moor -> Loch Lomond -> Balloch.

Below was our elevation profile for today. Looks like a face on its side. (Only joking but got you to tilt your head to one side).

Glencoe, site if the 1692 massacre, was an ominous place. We had just sped along 20 miles of flat with a long climb to go. Unlike Clan MacDonald we knew what fate was to come.

I unzipped my top a little and in a He Man like fashion pushed on up. Arriving at the top a little quicker meant I could take a few picks of the others as they came through:

That middle high section was Rannoch Moor. The wind was such that even the down hills required effort. 

Lunch was incredible at the Bridge of Orchy Hotel. Home made Scotch eggs (not actually Scottish, invented by Fortnum & Mason in the 18th century) with a soft yoke and a delicately thin breadcrumb shell:

We then descended like control rods into a nuclear reactor during a SCRAM (Safety Control Rod Axe Man) onto the West Lomond Cycle Path. Loch Lomond and the Trossachs are the only part of Scotland I recognise so far. We used to spend Easter at my paternal grandparents in Stirling.

Over the next few days I will be doing interviews with the rest of the peloton. So first in the series:

Small Talk in the Big Ring...

Today we are peddling in the peloton, chatting about chaffing and fantasising about freewheeling with... James Smith. 

James and I studied Nuclear Engineering at Imperial together. He is the first of many Rolls-Royce employee in this recurring supplement. He is riding a Lynskey Sportive, a "beautifully hand crafted titanium frame" with hand built Hope Pro2 Evo wheels.

Vital Stats:

Grew up in: Swindon, Lives: Ulverston,  H: 6'2", W: 85 kg, Age: 26 y. 

Top Trums: tallest and loudest freewheel. 

"Which has been your favourite day so far? "

"Today. I really enjoyed the wet morning. Head down in a line, everyone working as a group. Then having the sun braking through the clouds as we accented for our lunch was inspirational. Then our dissent to the beautiful Loch Lomond before the rain attacked us again for the run into Balloch."

Cycling into a driving headwind and rain "James why have you chosen the wettest day?"

"This is what summer cycling in Greater England is all about. I like it warm and wet, just like a ... cup of tea."

As this is your first bike tour what painful lessons have you learnt? 

"Yes, three: bring a handle bar bag, don't climb after a pint of Guinness and bring a second pair of boxer shorts. Though mine are merino wool. "

Best food?

"An heavenly open club sandwich for lunch today."

JoGLE 2: Tain to Fort William

When I woke this morning and saw the clouds all I could think was "What way are we going to go? No idea, it's a Mist - ery!" Or "The views are going to be Gray-t"

Luckily the weather waited until later to turn truly awful but my puns started as they meant to go on. Though in fact it was mostly a day of me asking stupid things. "Midges bite?", "InverNESS is near Loch Ness?" Or "Nuclear reactors are an expensive option for aircraft carriers?" Sometimes I just don't think before speaking. 

I feel there were two objectives to the day: Inverness and the Loch Ness Monster. Interestingly Inverness has Scotland's answer to the Severn Bridge.

Not much later Greg said that he had 2 weak knees. Unhelpfully I said fortnight knees are the worst. Sarah on the other hands had ibuprofen to hand. Unrelated picture:

So the part you have all been waiting for: The Loch Ness Monster. I saw it! If you look really carefully at the picture below you will see it. I'll be submitting my paper on the find to either the Royal Society or The Monster Raving Loony Party's annual conference layer this year. 

In the early afternoon before lunch we summitted the "Col du Suidhe". Actually called suidhe viewpoint, which I think does the screaming in our legs a disservice. 

Towards the end we: had a misunderstanding about the meaning of a "solid fart", giggled about the number of jeans I might have, toasted garlic bread in an in-and-out motion and made plans for a pastie eating then cycling competition where if you are sick your entry is void. Oh the joys of tour! 

JoGLE 1: John O'Groats to Pain

Taim, we actually got to Taim. But pain is all I can think about.

I would have started by telling you about the walk we took after dinner to see the sun set over the Orkney Islands from The Sign and the random Scot playing Aude Lang Sign on an accordion but I'm in too much pain.

I could go on and tell you about the gorgeous start we had from John O'Groats and the selfie I took but my knee hurts like hell. 

I should really tell you of the excitement when 4 current and one ex nuclear engineers saw Dounreay with its various experimental reactors but my thighs are like Uranium 238, heavy and not very useful.

A proper report of the day wouldn't complete without a description of the devine lunchtime battered black pudding but I've just eaten my weight in food for dinner and now having a food coma. 

It's a sin that I'm not now waxing lyrical about the stunning views we had as we wound along past Loch Naver or through the Highland forests of tall nobel pines but I have really bad saddle sore.

One day I'll explain the loveliness of the rich golden whisky smell as we rode past the Glenmorangie distillery but my nose is a little sunburnt.

It is criminal of me that I'm not letting you in on how eerie it was seeing the clouds descend and start rolling over the hills and through the trees but I'm lying in bed and I don't think I can move a muscle.

You know on second thoughts that was such an incredible day that any pain I might be feeling now just melts away when I think about it all. 

You can view the first part of our day on Strava and the second part.

Tomorrow is only 100 miles to Fort William, a breeze compared to today's 120.

JoGLE 0: Caledonian Sleeper

So far the most sophisticated sleeper I've been on. Whiling the evening away in the lounge car, slouched on a leather sofa, fine 12 year old whisky in hand with the smell of haggis in the air: sublime.

It all started with Tam coming to Euston with me. I feel sorry for her because while I got to board the debonair train she had to settle for the drab 70s monstrosity that is Euston.

Once I had stored my bike, ordered my breakfast and waited in my berth (not cabin, that's for ships) for the train to leave (2 minutes late!), I settled down in the Lounge car. In true Scottish fashion they have a separate menu just for whiskys. I chose a double barrelled aged whisky, I thought it only appropriate given my surname, which had years in a whisky oak cask then a few months in a sherry oak cask.

Because all the sofas and chairs are low you get a tremendous 360 view. Watford junction in the evening but the far nicer Cairngorms in the morning. I had quite a bit of fun sticking my head out of the window trying to get pictures down the train.

Comme d'habitude, I had some very funky dreams. One was a mash up of Die Hard, Inception, Transformers and Harry Potter. In the other I got off at the wrong station and there happened to be a 8 foot tall woman. Read into them what you will.

I was woken in the morning with breakfast in bed so I opened the blind and had my tea watching the scenery go past (see my Instagram page). 

I tried to do my ablutions using the sink in my berth and as you can imagine water went everywhere. Maybe it's something I need to practise. 

Sadly there was a person on the track near Crewe so we were about 1.5 hours late. Slightly hairy moment when I thought I was going to miss the 4 times a day train I needed to catch. On the plus side I got longer on the Caledonian but on the down side no time for a haircut in Inverness. 

I took the rather quaint Far North Line up to Wick. Then cycled up to John O'Groats. 20 miles and it started hurting after 5. F*#K! Let's hope the 120 miles tomorrow will be better.

JoGLE -1: John O ' groats to Lands End

About a year ago one of my best friends, James, said to me "do you want to do John o ' groats to Lands End next year?". "Hell yerr!" I said. My bike was promptly stolen a month later.

One new bike* and a year later I'm about to get the Caledonian Sleeper up to the Highlands to start my epic journey.

I could have taken a flight to Inverness and the bike would have been free but given the infamy of the sleeper I couldn't miss the chance to take it.

This will be 5th sleeper train that I can remember, Paris->Alpes X2, Vienna-> Alpes and Mumbai-> Goa. Tomorrow I'll give you the lowdown on the Lounge car, a visual of the vistas and a breakdown of the berth.

I'll try to keep you all updated with my progress. You can see the route we are taking here: https://maps.google.co.uk/maps/ms?msa=0&msid=209464424801268377147.0004fe4bc4e9022038fd8

* Thanks to Ellie and Jon for selling me a few of their bikes.