JoGLE 10: Launceston to John O'Groats

Finished John O'Groats to Lands End. 1000 miles on bike in 10 days. Smashing.

Here is some evidence:

I'll write a full debrief tomorrow on the train home.

Added the following day:

Strava part 1 and part 2.

Lowley cottage - RAF Davidstow Moor -

Cambourne - Penzance - Lands End ( - Penzance)

The first section of the day took us up

Seeing that James and I stayed a few miles out of Launceston and that we had a big day we decided to meet at the first meeting point of the day. So James and I

After we had a lovely break at the Snails Pace tea shop and discussed their composting toilet at length we set out along the Camel Way. A picturesque disused old train line. We had an obligatory Cornish pastie stop for lunch in Newlyn Eas. We then rumbled along through Cornwall with the smell of the sea getting stronger and stronger until we hit Penzance.

I didn't realise St  Michael's Mount was next to Penzance. After going along what felt like a quarry floor next to the beach we had to cycle straight past our B&Bs with still 9 hilly miles to go to Lands End. Thank god for adrenalin. 

JoGLE 9: Bridgwater to Launceston

Bridgwater - Taunton - Bampton - Hatherleigh - Launceston - Lowley Cottage

Strava part 1 and part 2.

Today started with all the right intentions. We knew we had a very hilly day in the wilderness of Devon. A shocking number of bowls to dip into. But a certain someone lost his charger, had gear problems and needed a wheel truing again. Here is the sinner looking very contrite:

Add these time delays to the collapsed bridge we encountered and we were rather late. So we really rushed having our elevenses at the Scarlet Garden:

We were obviously blessed with monsoon rain and thunder after our tea. Once we got into our rhythm of down then up, I really feel like I can speak for the whole group and say that we all thoroughly enjoyed the hills. Greg was loving it so much he was making faces like he was in complete agony because of his knee. What a joker!

We had a lot of stops:

And a damm lot of summits:

James and I are very nicely being put up for the night at the Tufnells which required a rather scary descent down their very small lane in the dark. Really not looking forward to the hill in the morning.

I can't believe tomorrow is our last day. The last 9 days have gone in a flash. We have seen a lot of Britain's countryside but not really any culture. Another time.

Small Talk in the Big Ring

Today we are lamenting lubricants, speaking spokes and back washing bottles with... Sarah Millest. Sarah is the First Lady to our Glorious Leader Chris.

She comes from a strong canoeing lineage and has done long distance. So pacing isn't difficult for her. 

She has a very keen sense of smell so is therfore very careful not to draft behind us men after we have had beans with our Full English. 

Tour, Giro or Vuelta? 

The French one. So the Tour. 

Justin Bieber or Just In Time Manufacturing?

It would have to be Just in Time in this case. 

Pink or Purple?

Ooo, I prefer purple.

Favourite gear setup?

Not sure, whatever I have here. Ask Chris. 

Bradley Wiggins or Mark Cavendish? 

Definitely Cav. I love a good bit of explosion. 

JoGLE 8: Hereford via Mark to Bridgwater

Hereford - Coleford - Chepstow - Portbury - Clevedon - Mark - Bridgwater

Strava part 1 and part 2.

They say that in Hartford, Hereford and Hampshire hurricanes hardly every happen. That might be true but it was blowing a mighty gale this morning leaving Hereford. And while we are on a My Fair Lady theme: The rain in Somerset fell mainly on our peloton.

We had a very special guest today. Some say he can swim on land. Others say he can cycle on water. It is sais he cycled our team leader, Chris, across America once. This mystery fellow Londoner arrived very fresh faced this morning:

Calum had the right tan lines so we accepted him as one of us. His initiation was a very big climb. Our only category 3 climb of the entire week. 

A long stop was required in Chepstow (where I finally saw the castle) to true James' wheel. The shop assistant admitted she wasn't the mechanic so I joked that she didn't know her true wheel from her boolean true. 

For my reader's pleasure I have been trying to perfect my bike selfie. This is going over the Severn Bridge with the Second Severn crossing in the background:

After lunch in Portbury the heavens opened and a multitude of the heavenly host befell us. Guess who had mudguards:

After getting so wet we just had to hose each other down. Until someone went for the private parts. #notgrownupyet

Our last stop off the day was Mark. As you can see I'm as excited as a schoolchild in a sweetshop:

Until next time, Mark.

JoGLE 7: Chester to Hereford

Chester - Whittington - Welshpool - Churchstoke - Wigmore - Hereford

Strava part 1 and part 2.

There are three certainties in a man's life: death, prostate exams and horse play. Us "lads" have got to the point where we are starting to mess around to take our minds off "That pain between our legs".

It starts our very innocently with funny poses in pictures:

To chucking bananas into each other's panniers:

Moving on to giggling like school girls at a pub called Cock Hotel and finally getting the attention of an entire field of cows:

We had to pass over the Welsh boarder about 10 times today. Only one selfie thought:

The observant of you will have noticed that Wales is spelt Gymru here rather than the usual Cymru. This is a soft mutation to make the language easier to say. In English we would change the preceeding word, so would say an English man but a Welsh man. In Welsh they change the first letter second word instead. 

As you can see from our planned elevation we had two big climbs after lunch. 

We were all fully prepared for what was about to come. We had simply accepted that we'd be seeing lunch twice. The pain was only going to be transitory we kept telling ourselves. So imagine the disbelief, the letdown, nay the utter frustration when we came to the road and saw it closed. We had to miss out the first climb! You will be glad to know we conquered the second one in lung busting fashion and had some stunning English country valley views:

We had another puncture from "Compact" Conway. Look, me being useful:

Some more (very hard to take) bike selfies:

This evening we are in Hereford, home to the SAS. On our best behaviour, no more tom foolery!

I have to apologise for any spelling/grammar mistakes I've made over the past couple of days. I've been writing these sometimes past 1am after some beers. And entirely on my phone.

To Bridgewater tomorrow via a town called Mark. I'm so excited I don't think I'm going to be able to sleep. 

JoGLE 6: Lancaster To Chester

Lancaster - Preston - Chorley - Adlington - Warrington - Runcorn - Chester

80 miles.

Strava part 1 and part 2.

There are parts of every great endeavour that will be boring and difficult. When you question why you are doing it. Waking in the morning wanting to hit the snooze button. No longer that adrenalin you had at the beginning firing you along.

In our case it is hearing that alarm go and feeling like your legs are still solid with lactic. Sitting on the saddle and everything still feeling tender. Placing your hands on the handle bars with sore red palms. Knowing you have a massive slog until the next comfy bed.

Here is a motivational video to get you fired up:

Luckily today wasn't like that at all. Only 78 miles planned. Good weather. Very little climbing.

What made today difficult was the "mehh" of the landscape. We had to finally ride through civilization and quite frankly civilization has crap views. I took so few photos that I had to ask around for some. So special thanks to:

James:

 Sarah:

Chris:

The highlight of the day was Liam's family putting on a splendid spread for us for lunch. They even put out bunting for our arrival. (I expect nothing less when I do the prudential ride London race in a fortnight):

We also went to what I can only describe as a serious contender to Garsons Farm as the best garden center in the world. Once you see the toilets at Barton Grange Garden Centre you might well agree:

Last but not least some video of us cycling yesterday:

JoGLE 5: Gretna Green to Lancaster

Gretna Green - (detour to Longtown for new wheel - Gretna Green ) - Carlisle - Dalston - Penrith - Shap - Kendal - Lancaster

Strava* part 1,  part 2 and part 3.

ENGLAND!

That selfie was about 500m from our B&B but was taken at 11 09 am. We had a very slow start. The wall of Greg's back tyre gave way at the end of day 4 so this morning it was James and Mark to the rescue. We set out at the crack of dawn, crossed lakes, scaled mountains and sustained frostbite to cover the 3 miles to the local bike shop. 

Bringing the new tyre back proved a little difficult for James:

Once Greg had put the new tyre on top of the old inner tube so having to put the new tyre on twice we set of to Carlisle. Beautiful English countryside is mostly what we saw. Saw without pictures:

• Combine harvesters
• Sheep dog being ridden on the back of a quad bike
• Massive radio antenna
• The McVities factory (one can smell it all across Carlisle)

We lunched at a supermarket called Booths (in its cafe) in Penrith. It is literally the Waitrose of the North West. Next time any of my southern friends venture tup North try one. I've been told that the Kirkby Lonsdale Booths is especially good. 

We stopped in Kendal BUT DIDN'T HAVE TIME TO FIND KENDAL MINT CAKE! Not sure what to do with my unhappiness. Here is a funny cat video we have been keeping ourselves amused with instead:

Another of our memes is selfies. Whether it is a long arm selfie (someone else takes the picture but makes it look like you did) to the belfie (the bike selfie). Here are some belfies, long arm selfie coming tomorrow:

Today we are having a serious Small Talk in the Big Ring with Greg Cooper. 

Greg is the one who organised the charity part of this ride. As I mentioned yesterday we are raising money for Leukaemia and Lymphoma Research. 

I spoke to Greg over dinner about his friend who died last year from Acute Lymphoblastic Leukaemia (ALL). He was only 27. He was a brilliant maths teacher in South London. I don't feel I can give the story justice yet so I will do a full story in a few days time. 

Again our sponsorship page is: https://www.justgiving.com/JoG-LE-14/

Coming tomorrow: Lancaster To Chester, long arm selfie,  helmet hair pictures, funny STinBR with Greg and inspirational videos. 

* Strava is the app I use to track my cycling. So click through if you want to see what we actually cycled,  speeds,  elevations etc. 

JoGLE 4: Balloch to Gretna Green

Balloch - Dunbarton - Clydebank - Glasgow - Hamilton - Abington - Lockerbie - Gretna Green

We started the morning following the route 7 cycle way. This took us through some pretty run of the mill suburbs, intimidating council estates and bleak industrial estates. One long stretch had strange black towers every couple of hundred meters:

Very spooky. I thought they might be police watch towers or crack dens but just as I took the picture I realised it's a disused railway junction box and that we were cycling along the old railway line. I like it when they do that.

As you can imagine passing through Glasgow with the British Empire Games on proved a little difficult. What I thought very interesting was that you could see lots of shiny new buildings, evidence of plenty of public investment but heaps of emty billboards. Perhaps the private sector has a bit of catching up to do.

The highlight of the day was bumping into our pals from the Jersey, Guernsey and Isle of Man cycling teams at some traffic lights and just having to have a bit of a chat. 

After Glasgow we headed down the A74, which, in response to a reader's question (my dad), had no traffic on it at all, miles without any cars. They have built an actual motorway next to it and for large parts of it turned one side of the old duel carriageway into a cycle path. Like being in a zombie apocalypse. Though what we saw one couple do out the back of their car on the cycle path was definitely not zombie-like. 

As we sit here in Gretna Green, a stone throw away from the boarder, about to go from Haggis and battered Mars bars to Cumberland sausages and Kendal mint cake, from wee bony lass to lasso, I must give my views on Scotland:

There are a lot of B&Bs. A lot of it looks like Dartmoor. Pleasantly surprised by Inverness and Glasgow. 

Small Talk in the Big Ring

Today we are discussing disc brakes, joking about jerseys and debating dérailleurs with ... Liam "Compact" Conway.

Liam went to Uni with Greg, who knows Chris through Rolls-Royce, who then knows James through Rolls-Royce, who went to Uni with me. Crystal clear? So bessie mates now.

In my most "Our Graham from Blind Date" way: Liam studied Physiotherapy at uni but is about to join the RAF as a fire fighter. He was born in Preston but lives in Adlington. He's a dab hand in the kitchen,  got straight A's at A-Levels and knows how to give a lady a good time. 

We have been discussing cultural differences between the South and tup North. All very instructive for me.

Top Trums: youngest and shortest but most aryan.

Charity

I hadn't mentioned but some of the team are raising money for charity. More on it tomorrow. But if you are enjoying my blog and know how dificult riting and speling is four me then consider donating at our Just Giving page: https://www.justgiving.com/JoG-LE-14/

Strava part 1 and part 2 

JoGLE 3 : Fort William to Balloch

Fort William - > Glencoe - > Rannoch Moor -> Loch Lomond -> Balloch.

Below was our elevation profile for today. Looks like a face on its side. (Only joking but got you to tilt your head to one side).

Glencoe, site if the 1692 massacre, was an ominous place. We had just sped along 20 miles of flat with a long climb to go. Unlike Clan MacDonald we knew what fate was to come.

I unzipped my top a little and in a He Man like fashion pushed on up. Arriving at the top a little quicker meant I could take a few picks of the others as they came through:

That middle high section was Rannoch Moor. The wind was such that even the down hills required effort. 

Lunch was incredible at the Bridge of Orchy Hotel. Home made Scotch eggs (not actually Scottish, invented by Fortnum & Mason in the 18th century) with a soft yoke and a delicately thin breadcrumb shell:

We then descended like control rods into a nuclear reactor during a SCRAM (Safety Control Rod Axe Man) onto the West Lomond Cycle Path. Loch Lomond and the Trossachs are the only part of Scotland I recognise so far. We used to spend Easter at my paternal grandparents in Stirling.

Over the next few days I will be doing interviews with the rest of the peloton. So first in the series:

Small Talk in the Big Ring...

Today we are peddling in the peloton, chatting about chaffing and fantasising about freewheeling with... James Smith. 

James and I studied Nuclear Engineering at Imperial together. He is the first of many Rolls-Royce employee in this recurring supplement. He is riding a Lynskey Sportive, a "beautifully hand crafted titanium frame" with hand built Hope Pro2 Evo wheels.

Vital Stats:

Grew up in: Swindon, Lives: Ulverston,  H: 6'2", W: 85 kg, Age: 26 y. 

Top Trums: tallest and loudest freewheel. 

"Which has been your favourite day so far? "

"Today. I really enjoyed the wet morning. Head down in a line, everyone working as a group. Then having the sun braking through the clouds as we accented for our lunch was inspirational. Then our dissent to the beautiful Loch Lomond before the rain attacked us again for the run into Balloch."

Cycling into a driving headwind and rain "James why have you chosen the wettest day?"

"This is what summer cycling in Greater England is all about. I like it warm and wet, just like a ... cup of tea."

As this is your first bike tour what painful lessons have you learnt? 

"Yes, three: bring a handle bar bag, don't climb after a pint of Guinness and bring a second pair of boxer shorts. Though mine are merino wool. "

Best food?

"An heavenly open club sandwich for lunch today."

JoGLE 2: Tain to Fort William

When I woke this morning and saw the clouds all I could think was "What way are we going to go? No idea, it's a Mist - ery!" Or "The views are going to be Gray-t"

Luckily the weather waited until later to turn truly awful but my puns started as they meant to go on. Though in fact it was mostly a day of me asking stupid things. "Midges bite?", "InverNESS is near Loch Ness?" Or "Nuclear reactors are an expensive option for aircraft carriers?" Sometimes I just don't think before speaking. 

I feel there were two objectives to the day: Inverness and the Loch Ness Monster. Interestingly Inverness has Scotland's answer to the Severn Bridge.

Not much later Greg said that he had 2 weak knees. Unhelpfully I said fortnight knees are the worst. Sarah on the other hands had ibuprofen to hand. Unrelated picture:

So the part you have all been waiting for: The Loch Ness Monster. I saw it! If you look really carefully at the picture below you will see it. I'll be submitting my paper on the find to either the Royal Society or The Monster Raving Loony Party's annual conference layer this year. 

In the early afternoon before lunch we summitted the "Col du Suidhe". Actually called suidhe viewpoint, which I think does the screaming in our legs a disservice. 

Towards the end we: had a misunderstanding about the meaning of a "solid fart", giggled about the number of jeans I might have, toasted garlic bread in an in-and-out motion and made plans for a pastie eating then cycling competition where if you are sick your entry is void. Oh the joys of tour!